It's kind of surreal, having your first Christmas without any of your parents or grandparents on this earth. The first one I am truly alone. I'm oddly at peace with it, but it's still surreal.

They (whoever "THEY" are) make such a big deal about Christmas being a time with family and blah blah blah, when every holiday event is dreaded by more people I know than they are enthused about it-dreading dealing with family, putting on  the fake face, the fake profile, noone really knowing who they are.

I am hoping NEXT Christmas will be entirely different-I'll be with Alex, somewhere, somehow, maybe in Chicago, with my bestie and family. Heather treats me more like family than anyone else ever has, and we have been through thick and thin together over the years. She still accepts me at face value and loves me for who I am. And the feeling is mutual.