I'm letting him in.

No, it's not what you think.

I am not letting in the pizza delivery guy for a pornstar type encounter or anything; something completely different.

I'm rather surprised at myself for letting it happen, too.

Alex.

I'm not sure what's happened, but I'm falling in love with him again. I've fought it for so fucking long. And why?

Well, I kinda know why. I know that we have quite the extensive past. And not all of it good. But I do love him, and have feelings for him that are more pronounced way more than any sort of feelings that I ever had for Lino.

As much as I love Lino he has never made me feel the way Alex does, ever.

I get butterflies when I think of Alex. Alex has actually been texting me in the morning to say good morning; it's really sweet. He is starting to make some changes for me, when we talk and I tell him I'd like this or that, he does it.

He told me months ago that if I came home, he'd be faithful to me, period. I had such a hard time grasping that he would be capable of that; but why wouldn't he? We've been in touch all these years, still in love with each other even though we each have our own relationships to deal with, but we always come back to each other. It's got to be a karmic type thing. I can't think of any other explanation.

Fact is, I've been in love with him just about since we met all those years ago, and I'm sure in my heart of hearts he feels the same about me, except now we live across the country from each other and it's not quite so easy to solve.

Why did he wait until I told him I was moving to tell me how he felt about me....why?